in·teg·ri·ty [in-teg-ri-tee]  Show IPA


1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
A quality sorely lacking in people I’d never have expected to say that about. Heartbreaking when it’s people you thought you could trust with your life…or your child’s life…just heartbreaking…
Here’s the term Lovely Daughter used for one of the people I thought I could trust…though I believe the term applies to ‘all’ of them:


1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs,  principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess,  especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
Funny…I’ve been led to believe this whole fiasco is my fault, for being distant and uninterested…


  1. I have found that when people are unhappy for some reason, usually with themselves, they blame other people for it because that means the problem isn’t originating with them, and they don’t have the responsibility for fixing it.

    I’m guilty of it myself, becoming angry with my husband for being a low-paid schoolteacher when he’s very happy with being a low-paid schoolteacher, and I’m the one who needs to be working WAAAY smarter.

    1. I never had expectations of Duffy when it came to his work, I don’t think…but I’ve gotten the impression – the kiss goodbye became a peck on my head about 3 years ago, or the hugs with his head held up and away from me, f’r’instance – that he was unhappy with ME. My smartass remarks about ‘when are you going on deployment’ came too often to be mere jokes. That said, he also says I spent my time cleaning and I made him feel he was in the way…and my only defense there is that he’s been home during the day, the time when I usually DO clean…I feel so bad about all this, but I can’t turn it back and make him see I’d like him to stay. I miss him, believe me. Twenty-nine years of Duffy hugs have ended, and I miss him more than words can say.

      She always said her favorite type of man was “Yours” and this is just the most recent in a LOOONG string of married men for her. The fun he’s having is so painful for me to know about, but I told her long ago if she could get him, she could have him…and now she does, I guess. I wonder how long it went on before he even left…she got her beach place right around the same time…

      I won’t die…but it’s the only thing I know of that will stop this pain.

      1. Sounds like she just likes to pursue men that are already “taken” just to prove she can; not so interested in keeping them.

  2. Nope, you won’t (die). Been (vicariously) through a lot of divorces with lots of friends and family. A couple years later, they can’t believe they wasted time grieving over the loss of that relationship that was their whole world at the time. They didn’t know how unhappy they actually WERE until enough time had passed for the wound to scab over and they could look at their lives objectively before and after.

    1. You need to get a good divorce attorney immediately and get the financial stuff taken care of. Really. Tomorrow.

    2. A big problem that I’ve found is that I’ve been a part of a team so long that I’ve forgotten what my interests are (mostly because HE isn’t/wasn’t interested, so I’ve stopped doing my thang, except for blogging and livestock)! I bet you’re the same way. These are some of the things that I’d like to do (the bucket list) but haven’t, so I’ll share some of them with you. Feel free to toss ’em in the garbage and tell me what your interests are? (Yes, I’d really like to know.)

    A. Take decorative painting classes.
    B. Learn glassblowing.
    C. Volunteer on an archeological dig.
    D. Alaskan cruise, baby!
    E. Explore Indian ruins out west again (used to, can’t, husband’s knees have been bad for YEARS).
    F. Visit relatives I haven’t seen since I’ve been married.
    G. Look up old friends because SwampMan isn’t interested in socializing AT ALL.
    H. Take a pottery class. It bugs me that I was never able to throw pottery on a wheel FOR SHIT when I was in high school. One day I’d like to be able to actually make a lovely bowl that isn’t lopsided and doesn’t explode in the kiln.
    I. Become a Master Gardener, and travel around looking at gardens for inspiration.

    3. No clinging to the past allowed! If a thing is over, it’s over, and it is best to just sever that cord, slap on a tourniquet and move on instead of bleeding to death slowly over time. The Zen masters said that “When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear”. Who is to say that you and Duffy haven’t learned the lessons that you were meant to learn what you were meant to from each other, and now it is time to move on for more life lessons? Doesn’t THAT sound all new ageish? Sorry!

    1. Eeek! Looks like a revised a couple sentences for clarity in that long-winded reply without taking the awkward portions out. Dang. Oh, wait! Being an editor wasn’t on my bucket list, so I’m gonna give myself absolution for that one.

      1. Looks like “I” revised a couple sentences for clarity….okay, I’m gonna quit now since obviously my fingers and I need to have a lil’ talk.

    2. You know I love you, right? Feeling closer to cheerful than I have in quite some time. I WAS an editor in high school but I am now 40 years older, don’t see as well or care as much about the keys I hit.

      I will give your words some thought, though, count on it. Thank you.

    3. For awhile I’d have fantasies that he’d come home & crawl in bed with me & say he wants to work things out…now I wake up just before time for him to get off work & lay there awake & cry till the sun comes up or the alarm goes off. And then I lay there till I have to get up.

      1. I think that you need to get happy and healthy. Call up your best girlfriends and go out to lunch. I’d be happy to fatten you up (my specialty), but I’m not outta school until the second week in June.

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